Blog
Blog for Adult Counselling Therapy
Explore healing through mental health support and personal growth therapy at ACT in Hampshire. Find guidance and clarity on your journey to a healthier life.
I will add more content here from time to time. Feel free to contact me with any specific questions related to mental health improvement. I will do my best to provide you with an answer and some further information here.
ASK AWAY!
New fresher, brighter, clearer business cards for..
Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd.
(ACT)
Ya' know, sometimes, someone might experience some negative thoughts, some negative feelings, some negative behaviour.
Take a card or save the website to your phone just in-case, so you can access my support when you, or someone you care about needs it.
Awareness brings empowerment and changes lives.
Best wishes
James
Understanding the Parent, Adult, and Child Ego States in Transactional Analysis
Have you ever reacted to a situation and later wondered, “Why did I sound just like my parents?” Or felt like a child in an argument, even though you're an adult? That’s because of Ego States, a key concept in Transactional Analysis (TA) that influences how we think, feel, and behave in relationships.
What Are Ego States?
In TA, we operate from three Ego States:
Parent – The voice of authority, learned from caregivers. It can be: Nurturing Parent (kind, caring, protective) or Critical Parent (judgemental, strict, controlling).
Adult – The rational, problem-solving self. This is where we think objectively and make decisions based on facts, not emotions.
Child – The emotional, instinctive part of us. It can be: Free Child (spontaneous, creative, joyful)
Adapted Child (obedient or rebellious, shaped by past experiences)
How Do Ego States Impact Relationships?
Ever had a heated argument where you felt like a scolded child? Or caught yourself lecturing your partner like a parent? That’s your ego states clashing!
Healthy communication happens when we operate from the Adult state - responding with logic and balance instead of reacting emotionally or critically.
Want to Improve Your Relationships?
Notice which ego state you’re in during conversations. Shift to Adult when discussions get heated - pause, reflect, and respond with logic.
Encourage Healthy Ego States in others by engaging their Adult self. By understanding ego states, you can break unhealthy patterns and build stronger, more conscious connections.
Have you noticed these ego states in your own interactions?
Drop a comment in the contact page and share your thoughts with me..
Getting my name out there..
Being available to help people manage their mental health is a wonderful privilege. For me it is the best job in the world. It is important, therefore, that people know I am available and able to help them, when they need a safe space to off load.
I will be circulating this poster at various locations to help spread the word about Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd and the service offered.
My request to you, is that you help me do this. If you know of anyone who is struggling currently, tell them about Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd and pass them my details.
contact@adultcounsellingtherapy.co.uk
Thank you.
Best wishes
James
Your Identity and Why..
Sometimes past experiences and life traumas negatively impact how we think, feel and behave in adulthood, and have a huge influence on our relationship with others and our relationship with ourselves.
By exploring the potential for self development you will be able to identify and work through what challenges you.
You will be able to answer the questions like, who am I? and why do I think, feel and behave in the way I do?
Turn unconscious reactions, into conscious responses that provide you with personal empowerment.
Invest in you.
Best wishes
James
Making changes - and being okay with that..
I have been reflecting on my private practice and celebrating a 3 month milestone.
I am a big believer in reviewing what works, what doesn’t, and what might work but for whatever reason doesn't feel right.
When I started this journey I put huge pressure on myself to get it right. I wanted to make sure I was doing something different. To that end I came up with a strap line of 'Book a Rant', a way of being different in the world of counselling therapy.
It only really struck me today that I don't need a strap line to have a different counselling practice, because I already bring myself to my practice, and that is what makes my practice, Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd, different to others....me.
I do not have to fear not being perfect or not being better than the next counsellor in order to find clients. I am already good enough. I am qualified, I have set up a sound business and I have some awesome clients.
I am good enough without a strap line and as such I have decided to remove my 'Book a Rant' message and will be focusing on Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd and my counselling therapist role.
It will take a while to get the new business cards printed and distributed to replace the old ones, however, all the contact details remain the same.
I love what I do, and I do it well. Onwards and upwards.
contact@adultcounsellingtherapy.co.uk for further details.
Best wishes
James
March
2025
5 Signs You Might Need Counselling...
Life can be challenging, and sometimes, we struggle to navigate our emotions, relationships, or personal growth on our own.
Counselling can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, gain clarity, and develop healthier coping strategies. Here are five signs that therapy might be beneficial for you:
1. You Feel Overwhelmed or Stuck
If you’re constantly feeling anxious, stressed, or emotionally drained, it might be a sign that you need support. Therapy can help you process these emotions and develop ways to manage them more effectively.
2. Your Relationships Are Suffering
Are conflicts increasing with your partner, family, or friends? If you’re struggling with communication, trust, or setting boundaries, counselling can help you understand patterns and improve your relationships.
3. You’re Experiencing Persistent Sadness or Low Mood
Feeling down occasionally is normal, but if sadness, hopelessness, or lack of motivation persists, it could be a sign of deeper emotional struggles. Therapy can help uncover underlying causes and provide tools to regain balance.
4. You’re Using Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Turning to alcohol, overeating, excessive screen time, or other habits to numb difficult emotions may be a sign that you’re struggling to cope. A therapist can help you find healthier ways to manage stress and emotions.
5. You’re Facing a Major Life Transition
Big changes such as a breakup, job loss, becoming a parent, or losing a loved one can be overwhelming. Counselling offers support and guidance to help you adjust and move forward with resilience.
Seeking Help is a Strength, Not a Weakness
If any of these signs resonate with you, consider reaching out. Therapy is a powerful tool for self-awareness, healing, and personal growth. At Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd, we provide a compassionate, non-judgemental space to help you navigate life’s challenges.
Ready to take the first step? or if know someone who might be interested in doing so, please forward this post to them.
To explore how counselling therapy can support you, visit the contact page and start your journey to become a better version of yourself.
Best wishes
James
Understanding yourself is the first step toward meaningful change...
Transactional Analysis (TA) is a powerful method that helps individuals improve relationships, manage emotions, and gain self-awareness.
But what exactly is Transactional Analysis, and how can it support well-being?
Transactional Analysis was developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne in the 1950s, Transactional Analysis is a psychological framework that helps explain human behaviour, communication, and emotional responses. It focuses on how past experiences shape our present interactions and offers practical tools for positive change.
One of the core principles of TA is the idea that we operate from three different ego states in our interactions:
Parent Ego State - Reflects the values and behaviours we absorbed from parental/guardian figures. Can be nurturing (caring and supportive) or critical (judgmental and controlling).
Adult Ego State - The rational, present-focused part of us that processes situations logically.
Helps us make balanced decisions and communicate effectively.
Child Ego State - Represents emotions, creativity, and past experiences. Can be free and expressive or adapted and reactive to authority.
Recognising which ego state we are operating from can help us improve communication, break unhelpful patterns, and develop healthier relationships.
How can Transactional Analysis Help You: -
1. Improving Communication and Relationships.
Conflicts often arise when people interact from mismatched ego states. For example, if a partner speaks from a Critical Parent ego state ('You never listen to me!'), the other may respond from their Rebellious Child state ('You always try to control me!').
TA can help you recognise and understand these patterns and shift towards Adult-to-Adult communication, where you express your needs and concerns calmly and constructively.
2. Breaking Negative Thought Patterns.
Many of us carry subconscious 'life scripts'—deep-seated beliefs we developed in childhood. These scripts can impact self-esteem, decision-making, and relationships.
For example, if your inner script says, 'I must always please others to be accepted', you might struggle with setting boundaries. TA therapy can help you recognise these limiting beliefs and rewrite them into healthier, more empowering ones.
3. Managing Emotions & Stress.
Recognise when you're stuck in a negative Parent-Child internal dialogue. Shift into an Adult mindset to respond more effectively to stress. Develop self-compassion and emotional resilience.
4. Building Confidence & Self-Awareness.
If you find yourself repeating unhelpful behaviours or struggling with self-doubt, TA can help you explore your core beliefs, emotional responses, and communication patterns. This self-awareness is the key to making positive, lasting changes in your life.
At Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd, the approach is client-centered and tailored to your individual needs. We integrate Transactional Analysis with other therapeutic methods to help you understand your thought, feelings and behaviours, communicate more effectively in relationships, overcome anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem, and develop healthier emotional responses and coping strategies.
I provide a safe, non-judgmental and confidential (see website for full confidentiality and privacy policy details) space where you can explore what challenges you.
Ready to Take the First Step?
'Book a Rant' with Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd today and start your journey toward self-awareness and personal growth.
Get in touch via the contact page. It's all about you.
Best wishes
James
February
2025
Find Balance and Embrace Boundaries..
At Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd, there is a belief that setting and maintaining boundaries is essential to living a balanced, fulfilling life.
Boundaries protect our emotional energy, strengthen relationships, and help us honour our own needs.
Why are boundaries important?
They empower us to say 'yes' to what aligns with our values and 'no' to what doesn’t.
They create space for self-care and personal growth and they foster healthier relationships by clarifying expectations.
Through my counselling service, rooted in Transactional Analysis, I help you explore how to create boundaries that support your mental and emotional well-being.
Whether you're navigating relationships, work stress, or personal challenges, you will receive support to guide you every step of the way.
Ready to regain control and find balance?
Contact Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd today to book your first session.
Let’s work together to explore what challenges you.
Best wishes
James
What Does Personal Development Mean to You?
We live our lives through our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and through our interactions with other people and with ourselves, through self-talk. Most of the time this happens instinctively, unconsciously and automatically like we have no control.
Relationships can begin, and end, due to our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Sometimes, their impact can be wholly distructive. Sometimes, however, the impact can be profoundly positive.
I believe, control of one's thoughts, feelings and behaviours is possible by improving self awareness so authentic communication can be made from a place of clarity, inner peace and meaning.
We all have the opportunity to live a more personally connected and productive life and I believe we all have the ability within us to develop in this way.
A newly discovered self awareness may give you more control of challenging thoughts, feelings and behaviours within your life. You might not have thought it possible, but with help from counselling therapy you will improve your ability to respond to others based on what is happening in the here and now, instead of reacting from an archaic life plan.
Take a step towards a happier, more fulfilled you and invest in yourself with Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd.
What is the year 2025 going to look like for you?
Let's start with Self-Compassion..
As we welcome the new year, many of us feel the pressure to set grand New Year's resolutions. At Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd, it is believed that the key to a fulfilling year starts with kindness to yourself.
Here’s how you might approach resolutions with self-compassion: -
Set Realistic Goals - Aim for progress, not perfection. Smaller, manageable steps can lead to lasting change.
Be Flexible - Remember, January 1st isn’t the only day for fresh starts. Growth can happen anytime you're ready.
Practice Self-Acceptance - Accept where you are right now, and honour your unique journey. Self-worth is not defined by achievements alone. Celebrate Small Wins - Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.
New Year’s resolutions should empower, not overwhelm. If you feel stuck or need guidance, you can get help to navigate change with compassion and without judgement.
Book counselling with Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd to be supported in building a more meaningful year.
Growth starts with understanding and acceptance.
Best wishes
James
January
2025
Burnout can happen to anyone.
Burnout is caused by unmanaged cumulative stress, and it is very real.
The effects of not dealing with cumulative stress can be devastating for you, your family, your friends and your work colleagues.
Physical Signs of Burnout: -
Loss or increase in appetite
Changes in sleep pattern
Frequent aches and pains
Becoming sick more often
Suffering more headaches
Being involved in more accidents
Mental and emotional signs of burnout: -
Boredom
Irritation
Feeling numb
Difficulty concentrating
Being forgetful
Having mood swings
Anger outbursts
Difficulty having fun or relaxing
Thinking about work constantly
Fantasising about moving to live in another country
Season’s Greetings from Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd.
As the festive season approaches, we know it can bring a mix of emotions.
While it’s a time for joy and connection, it can also highlight personal struggles, relationship challenges, or feelings of loneliness.
At Adult Counselling Therapy, we’re here to support you through it all.
This Christmas, why not give yourself the gift of self-care and personal growth? Whether you’re looking to navigate stress, improve relationships, or find clarity, this counselling service provides a safe and understanding space for you to explore and thrive.
Take the first step toward a brighter tomorrow.
Wishing you peace, warmth, and personal empowerment.
Best wishes
James
December
2024
Currently accepting clients for counselling therapy.
A.C.T. - Qualified and motivated to help you.
BACP member
I am pleased to confirm that I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
You can find my profile on the BACP website (www.bacp.co.uk).
I am also registered on the Counselling Directory website (www.counselling-directory.org.uk).
James at Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd
Member of the British Association for Counselling and psychotherapy (BACP)
I declare A.C.T open!
Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd (A.C.T.) is now accepting applications for counselling therapy.
Look out for the business card displays in and around Stockbridge. Please take a card, or if you take a picture of the QR code on the display with your smart phone you will be sent directly to the Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd website.
Please see the terms of service page on the website and make contact via the 'contact page' or email direct to contact@adultcounsellingtherapy.co.uk to access the support.
Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd
A wonderful purpose built therapy room in the heart of the Test Valley, off the A30 in Stockbridge, Hampshire.
A private, safe space to experience a professional counselling service.
£60 per session
November
2024
So close!
Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd is only a couple of months away from opening. The 'Garoffice' is slowly taking shape and is currently being transformed into a safe space to enable me to help others become the best version of themselves, whatever that looks like for them.
I have taken delivery of these lovely bright and vibrant business card display units and they will help me spread the word about my counselling service.
August
2024
Nearly there..
Hello everyone, I have approximately one month to go until I complete my degree course in Humanistic Counselling With Transactional Analysis. The course is BACP (British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy) accredited... The vision is becoming a reality.
What a huge amount of work it has been. I've been on a roller-coaster of a ride over the past 4 years of training to get to this stage and I am so proud of my personal and professional development during this time.
I am setting up my own private practice in Stockbridge in Hampshire, to provide a counselling therapy service to adults in the surrounding areas of Andover, Romsey, Salisbury, Winchester and beyond.
I will share further updates about my journey in due course over the summer.
Best Wishes
James
June
2024
Do you need counselling?
It is understandable that you might be scared of your own psychology.
Remember you are fine as you are, but this is only true until you are not fine as you are. In other words the way you think, feel and behave is not a problem until it's a problem and you realise and acknowledge the latter.
At that point of realisation you are already halfway to becoming the person you want to be.
So what do you do then?
You may decide to choose a therapist and talk through the things in your life that are challenging for you. Counselling therapy will provide you with the opportunity to understand yourself, your thoughts, feelings and behaviours in more detail and enable you to manage personal situations that might have previously been problematic for you.
If you are reading this, perhaps you have already made the decision to improve your life through self-awareness and understanding.
February
2024
2024 is well underway..
..and there are only about 6 months left of my latest period of self development. My own journey is significant and the additional skills I continue to learn and practice are both empowering and inspiring in equal measure.
I am looking forward to sharing the next part of my journey with you so please keep checking the website and social media for updates.
Best Wishes
James
January
2024
Merry Christmas to you all!
Hi everyone, it has been a while since I posted so I just want to provide you with an update.
2023 has been so busy for me. I have been juggling my degree with my work life and my home and family life. For anyone who has embarked on a lengthy period of adult learning, you will be able to empathise with this.
My student placement with The Olive Branch is going well. I am seeing clients weekly on a voluntary basis and helping them to navigate through some of their life's challenges.
Counselling using Transactional Analysis (TA) as a base theory is everything I hoped it would be. I love it.
TA has given me a foundation for personal and professional growth and I hope to utilise my passion for Counselling to help others do the same.
I will be completing my degree course in the summer 2024 and I am really looking forward to continuing with my new venture;
www.adultcounsellingtherapy.co.uk
I will update again in due course, and will sign off for 2023 by wishing you all a peaceful and joyful Christmas time with enough of everything for you and your families.
Best wishes
James
December
2023
Student Placement with The Olive Branch - Winchester
Recently I said goodbye to both colleagues, and clients that I have been supporting through my voluntary position at Brendoncare over the past year or so.
I have enjoyed my time giving to others and I feel humbled and privileged to have been someone they could share their stories and details of their lives with.
The time has come for me to move on to pastures new and last month (July 2023) I was successful in securing a student counselling placement.
The Olive Branch Counselling Service in Winchester is where I will be working on a voluntary basis over the next two years as an experienced counsellor in training. This will allow me to fulfil my obligations to my degree course whilst continuing to give back to the community and supporting those who need it.
So, I am embarking on a new chapter in my academic pursuit. First impressions of The Olive Branch and its team are positive. During my induction session a few days ago I appreciated a feeling of support and encouragement that will undoubtedly enable me to enjoy an enriched learning experience.
August
2023
November
2022
You are in control of your freedom...
A thought I want to share.
There is a way out of anxiety, depression and low mood and it is more within your control than you might think.
Book counselling with Adult Counselling Therapy Ltd and start to look after your mental health.
Need a Counselling service?
Really good news that I want to share with you all...
The latest move forward at Adult Counselling Therapy is that 'Book a Rant' has finally been trademarked. I am so happy with this news.
I am now looking to generate some suitable advertising material to continue spreading the word that managing cumulative stress levels is crucial in order to maintain good mental health.
Think of it as similar to maintaining your physical health by getting a gym subscription, or perhaps a regular massage.
By investing in regular management of your mental health you will become a better, brighter version of yourself.
Click on a link and Book a Rant, remember it's all about you!
Best wishes
James
October
2022
Our - Queen Elizabeth II
The passing of our Queen Elizabeth II - Positive, optimistic and focused. A true leader in so many ways.
I am sad today, but I am also proud to have been alive to witness her Majesty reign. We as a country have been extremely fortunate to receive the contribution she brought to her public service role.
As you make sense of the news. It is okay to be vulnerable and sad. It is okay to wonder what changes lie ahead for the country, and it is okay to show emotion resulting from all these things in appropriate ways, in order to manage your personal cumulative stress.
Rest In Peace Ma'am. Your duty is done. Thank you for your service and all you have inspired in others.
Long live the King.
Need a counselling service?
Going to BIG SCHOOL!
Do you have a child that is moving up to Secondary School in the next week or two? Here is a possible thought process for you to try if you are a parent feeling worried, apprehensive or stressed at this time.
If you would like to talk about what is going on for you, as a parent or guardian, regarding this significant event in your child's life, or any other topic for that matter, there is always support available for you. No matter what the problem is, book a rant with Adult Counselling Therapy and talk about it to effectively manage your cumulative stress.
September
2022
'OH, I KNOW THAT!'
Everyone faces problems whilst simply, 'living'. Everyone has either overlooked or not utilised some life enhancing opportunity. Sometimes simply 'living' can cause poor mental health.
My belief is that I know deep down, the answers to most of my own problems. In my darkest times I drew strength through therapy and learning about myself. I re-affirmed my values and beliefs during the therapeutic process and began to make progress.
It is important to understand that the answers to life's problems will be different for everyone, because of their own influences in younger life, education, and capacity to look inwardly.
If faced with difficulties moving forward, and if someone enabled me to come up with an answer to positively manage a low mood trigger I was experiencing, I might say, 'OH I KNOW THAT!'. It is likely that had I said this as an instinctive reaction, that I might still face the initial problem time and time again because I have not acted on what I agreed to be the answer.
When someone has depression or is feeling sad and depressed, or is suffering from anxieties, it is difficult to accept that someone can actually help. In the past, during times of poor mental health, I felt that no-one could possibly understand or help me. It somehow seemed easier to dismiss the positive way forward for the cyclical negative thought processes. Because I was suffering from depression I thought the positive way forward, was simply not achievable for me.
Asking for help was the best thing I ever did. I spoke to more than one therapist and they all allowed me to manage my own thought processes, understand what I was feeling and why. I was able to identify and manage the physical and mental stressors responsible for my depression and I have never looked back.
If any of the above resonates with you. I will help you discover a way to act on what you already know, by listening to your difficulties, enabling you to reflect on what you bring to the sessions in a safe, confidential environment without judgement and opinion. I will ask you thought provoking questions that will allow you to truly uncover your thought processes so you gain the courage to discover, what you already know.
The most important request I would like to make is this....
Know that support is available for you. Remember, I will not judge you and I will not have an opinion on how you should live your life. I will however, help you to make improvements in your current situation if you are willing to make the commitment to becoming a better, brighter you.
Click on the website links or contact page to register your interest in having counselling.
Best wishes
James
Feeling down in the mouth is NO excuse for abusing your Dentist!
I went to visit my dentist recently and I was amazed that both my dentist and the dental nurse told me of the awful verbal abuse they receive from some of their patients.
Now, I do appreciate that tooth ache or having some specific work done on your teeth can be uncomfortable to say the least, and in some cases extremely painful and debilitating, but why do some people persist in blaming the people who are trying to help them?
I have witnessed first hand the hatred and abuse directed at public service personnel at the times they are providing help and support to the people who need it. I am also aware that, in addition to dentistry, medical professionals in hospitals and local surgeries also have similar issues.
So in these instances of seemingly mindless behaviour, what is the common thread running through the situations of verbal or physical assault?
I believe the cause of the behaviour is poor management of cumulative stress that leads to uncontrolled reactions born from negative emotions at a time of personal stress.
Let's take Dentistry as an example. When a person is faced with pain, or fear of being put in pain they might blame the dental staff around them. A patient might also be feeling guilt, shame and disappointment in themselves for not looking after their teeth which led to the toothache and consequently their tooth being removed. Their frustration is then taken out on the person nearest to them. The patient has not been able to deal with that period of acute stress because their cumulative stress levels were too high before going to the dentist.
These subjective reactions from patients are not helpful. I do believe the Dentist or Dental Nurse are not the actual targets of the abuse but more so the uniform they wear, however, unfairly there is normally little thought for the personal hurt and distress the Dentist, Dental Nurse or any other helping professional is likely to feel in their workplace due to the patients abusive behaviour.
Calling all Dentists! Finding ways to manage your general cumulative stress is vitally important for keeping you operating at the top of your game, for maintaining wellness in your working life and preventing burnout which might lead to alcoholism and potentially suicide. Of course patient behaviour might only be one stressful aspect of your job that you have to manage.
I was shocked to note that the suicide rate in the dental industry is high in comparison to other white collar industries. I want to help reduce the occurrences of this life ending step and limit the devastating impact it causes to those left behind.
There is no problem that you cannot get help with.
Please, just talk about it.
Oh, thank you for asking - my teeth are all good for another year :-)
Why is it sometimes we feel we don't belong in a particular situation?
I find it interesting that some people get their energy from other people, as an extrovert.
Others get energy from being in their own company, as an introvert.
Both are equally important and it does not mean we cannot enjoy being in the opposing 'vert' every now and again, as long as we can re 'vert' back to our recharge position.
Which one are you?
August
2022
Who is to blame?
Why are the kids playing up again, why won't they do as I tell them?
Does this sound familiar?
I would like to share the below statement with all you parents out there. A friend of mine came up with this in a discussion we were having recently. Thank you Marky :-)
"Parenting is not about governing your children's behaviour, so much as governing your own"
This is a really powerful reminder that our children's behaviour is a direct reflection of our own, and of any other influential adult in their lives.
What can you do as a parent or guardian to alter your own behaviour in order to teach your children, or the children you care for, to behave differently?
Talk about what causes you stress, because we all need to manage our mental health
Here's a few thoughts....
If we are able and have capacity to do so, we all have to manage our own mental health.
Whether our mental health is good or bad, is different for every individual at different times in their life.
If your mental health is good, it is important to maintain it by managing cumulative stress, for example by using a talking therapy, with exercise, and with a balanced diet. Some people might not be able to exercise due to poor mobility and some people might not have a support network of friends or family that they can talk to about their problems.
If you are suffering from poor mental health at the moment, and it is having a negative effect on you and the people around you, then you will likely benefit from some appropriate talking therapy in order to help you understand what is causing your negative behaviour, thoughts and feelings. You might also need to take medication, which is fine - REMEMBER it is much better to feel good with prescribed medication than to feel awful without it - speak to your GP.
The individual nature of your mental health situation is why it is so important that helping professionals are from a wide range of backgrounds, have varied life experiences, have gained relevant qualifications and who are always looking to improve their knowledge in order to provide help to those who need it.
It is for you, the individual looking for support, to seek out and connect with the counselling professional of your choice, depending on your specific needs. The main thing is that you are taking control of your life, you are talking through your troubles and you are managing your cumulative stress.
With Adult Counselling Therapy you can be assured of receiving an ethically sound counselling service. I will help you become a better, brighter version of yourself and your well-being will always be at the centre of our time together.
Snow in a desert!?
Proof that everything can change, given the right conditions. I believe this is the same for people.
Volunteering for Brendoncare
Proudly, I am a telephone support volunteer working with people who require someone to talk and listen to on a weekly basis to brighten up their lives a little.
The people I have the pleasure of talking and listening to are members of Brendoncare and they have requested this service.
I can honestly say that giving my time in this way is one of the best things I have ever been involved in. I get a lot out of being there for others and providing help where I can, and I know it is wholly appreciated by those on the other end of the telephone.
Let's make lives better where we can.
July
2022
Burnout
Burnout is caused by unmanaged cumulative stress, and it is very real.
The effects of not dealing with cumulative stress can be devastating for you, your family, your friends and your work colleagues.
Physical Signs of Burnout: -
Loss or increase in appetite
Changes in sleep pattern
Frequent aches and pains
Becoming sick more often
Suffering more headaches
Being involved in more accidents
Mental and emotional signs of burnout: -
Boredom
Irritation
Feeling numb
Difficulty concentrating
Being forgetful
Having mood swings
Anger outbursts
Difficulty having fun or relaxing
Thinking about work constantly
Fantasising about moving to live in another country
It's good to talk!
We spend our lives going, at what feels like, 100 mph and we collect stress like stamps at every turn.
There is a lot of focus on poor mental health nowadays. I do feel however, that there is an issue with the management of our everyday stress levels that is being overlooked, and because that stress is not managed, it builds to the point it triggers a range of negative thoughts, behaviours and feelings. The damage is done in some form of self-harm during a time of personal stress in the future.
The impact of these delayed reactions and behaviours causes guilt, upset and frustration that leads to further stress which is invariably not managed, and the cycle continues. Many of us live in this cycle and do not know how to get out of it.
This cycle may continue until burn out occurs.
I tackle a common level of poor mental health by beating the cycle. I help people deal with their cumulative daily stress whatever it looks like and feels like for them. Talking frankly, openly and in a confidential and safe setting without negative repercussions, is a positive road to preventing burn out.
Added reassurance - I have 20 years of experience in identifying the need for safeguarding people and acting on this to make sure people are signposted to further help if required. Please know if I identify a need to refer anyone forward for more specific support, I will make this recommendation and discuss it with them so an appropriate plan of action can be considered. In turn if a client should ask for further support I can enable them to source that.
BEAT CUMULATIVE STRESS
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST, DON'T BOTTLE IT UP, TALK ABOUT IT.
If you bottle up your negative thoughts and experiences without off-loading them, you leave yourself open and vulnerable to suffering from stress and stress related mental and physical ill health, that can negatively affect your home and work life.
STRESS BUILDS UP OVER TIME.
I liken stress management to carrying a load of paper piled up on my shoulder. Each piece of paper is equal to a negative experience or a negative thought process. As the pile builds, there is no real strain, I might think I can cope with it. Each piece is really light and I might not notice the weight building.
The problem comes if I don't recycle some of my pieces of paper, if I don't manage my stresses. The day might come when one further sheet of paper lands on the pile because I experience one further stressful situation, and the pile becomes too much to carry and I topple. I burn out. I break down.
You may have friends or family members who are happy for you to vent to and off load. Some people may have friends and family but are not happy to bother them with their daily problems and are looking for another option. You may not have anyone you feel you can off-load to.
THIS IS WHERE I CAN HELP AS A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELLOR.
Please look through this site and see how I can provide a safe, confidential supportive experience to enable you to manage that everyday stress that we all encounter, and become a better, brighter you.
Click on a booking link or go to the 'contact' page.
Don't bow to the pressure!
It is not about being the best person you think other people want you to be, it's about being the best you, you want to be.
It can be done. You only need one thing to challenge how you feel....YOU.
You are the magic ingredient, and I believe in you.
Best wishes
James
Set yourself free.
Lets squash the negative. Big-up you warriors of acceptance and vulnerability!
When you speak to someone to improve your mental health and well being, you are not weird and you are not weak.
You are taking control of your life.
You are self aware, okay you may be a little weird who isn't, BUT you are far from weak.
You have found the strength and the courage to ask for help.
You are building your resilience.
You are improving your life and I would like to offer you my congratulations because I know how hard it can be to look inwardly and accept you could do with a bit of help.
If this resonates, then a huge well done to you.
If you are reading this and really want to get in touch with a counsellor but are frightened or apprehensive about the unknown, then I am sending you an imaginary pallet full of gentle persuasion and strength (you can use the persuasion and strength then knock-up an imaginary coffee table out of the pallet) in the hope that you will make that call. I can honestly say you will only benefit from doing so.
Best wishes
James
Aaaaaaaaagh....WHY DON'T YOU JUST...blah blah blah!
Communication affected by stress is not something that can be fixed with a switch.
Everybody experiences instances of poor mental health during their lives. The length of time it lasts and the causes, vary for each person. The negative affects of poor communication at times of personal stress can sadly last a lifetime in some cases.
When we do not have a chance to off-load and be listened to without judgement, we build up the negative feelings from various things we encounter from day to day. Examples could be that dangerous driver who cut you up, the micro-managing boss, the car broke down making you late for an important meeting, the children never stop shouting at home and the neighbour is complaining about the noise....etc....etc.
We store up these negative feelings like stamps in a book and suppress the frustration and anger in order to carry-on. The problem comes when we let-out the stored up negative feelings at future dates and times of personal stress. The circumstances of the stress could be related or they may not be.
During these future dates and times of personal stress, we cash-in the negativity stamps we have collected. The pay-off is an outburst of negative behaviour or negative words or thought processes towards others, towards ourselves, or towards property. This occurs even though the initial cause, of those negative feelings i.e. the stamps, is likely to have happened, days, weeks, months or years earlier. I can understand how sometimes this process can even last for generations. Can you see how this becomes cyclical?
The thing to know is, it is important to understand how these stamp collections begin, BUT it is way more important to understand that YOU can be the one to end the cycle. YOU do have this power.
Navigate through this website to learn more.
Please spread the word about 'Adult Counselling Therapy' with others. You never know who might need someone to talk to.
Best wishes
James
Do you ever put your foot in it?
The twist about listening is that sometimes we hear things that are said by 'another' in a time of personal stress for them, and we may become offended. It is possible what was said was offensive, however if we are able to understand that the person who made the comment may have been re-directing some built up negative thoughts from something that happened to them previously, then this knowledge may lead you to some deeper understanding of the situation and lessen the impact of their verbal blow a little.
This is a strange concept because people always mean what they say, right?
Think back to a time when you said something you later wished you had not. Maybe you could not understand why you said it, and you then felt guilt because of this. You may have a strained relationship with a person because of something you once said. We all say things to others that we don't mean from time to time. If you think about it, it is likely that it happened during a period of personal stress. Does this sound familiar?
Be mindful that stress is not an excuse for outbursts of negative words or behaviour towards others, but it does provide a reason for the unproductive reaction (an apology goes a long way, and I have been there). The best news is that you can build self awareness with help and support from Adult Counselling Therapy.
So as a starter, I want to advocate a message of out with the reactions and in with responding from a place of self awareness - 'Listen. Think. Speaking may not be required.'
Best wishes
James
ADULT COUNSELLING THERAPY
A C T AND BE A BETTER, BRIGHTER YOU!
What does 'Adult Counselling Therapy' really mean I hear you ask. Now, I have become aware that there are articles on-line disputing the meaning and use of certain words used in certain contexts. I want to explain the meaning of the name of my company in the interests of clarity and to prevent any misunderstanding should there be any: -
Adult - for me this means someone who is over 18 years of age, who wants to take an interest in their personal well-being and who has a willingness to improve themselves and the ability to commit to doing so.
Counselling - for me is professional, ethical support and guidance that helps clients build personal empowerment and knowledge so they may self determine a pathway through any current or future mental health challenges.
Therapy - for me this is a process of helping clients develop better emotional awareness and understanding of self and others, that leads to more effective communication, improved relationships and reduces symptoms of poor mental health.
Best wishes
James
I want to feel good.
Having someone listen to me, I mean really listen to me and be attentive and in the moment with me, is a wonderful feeling.
I want to provide that for you. I provide a safe, confidential environment for you to talk openly and frankly about you and your life, whether over a video call meeting or in-person.
I will help you improve the quality of your life by enabling you to better understand what makes you tick. I will use Transactional Analysis as a base theory in order to do this.
Best wishes
James
'Adult Counselling Therapy', so what's it all about?
I am sure you will have an idea, however I want to give you a little more detail. Let me start with the picture of the sea I have used.
Over the past few years I have been focusing on what I am linked to, 'at source'. Essentially I am a water lover and I am never more happy than when I am either in, by, or on the water.
The picture was taken by me during a visit to the Solent, which also happens to be my 'happy place' - we should all have at least one. The picture is a wonderfully serene vista with some greying clouds on the left moving to a better, brighter sky to the right of the image. This made me think that mental health is similar in many ways. For me the picture also shows that whilst there will undoubtedly be a mixture of darker and lighter periods in all our lives, we should all have access to calmer waters to provide a peaceful underlying medium on which to move forward.
The key is to know that calmer waters are always accessible even when the outlook is greying, troubling and uncertain.
I want to help you access calmer waters in your life. I believe that if you are committed to improving your mental health then you will become a better, brighter you.
Best wishes
James
Blog start June 2022
Welcome to my food for thought page https://adultcounsellingtherapy.co.uk/blog
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